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Issue #80

[cwols.com] Joke Ezine                       Tuesday 26.02.02

Puzzle #80
Arrange twenty cubes in four piles using these clues:

+ All piles contain an even number of cubes

+ There are twice as many cubes in the first pile as in the
second pile.

+ The largest number of cubes is in the first pile.

+ All piles have a different number of cubes.

+ The number of cubes in Pile 2 plus the number of cubes in
Pile 3 is equal to the number of cubes in Pile 4.

How many cubes would be in Pile 4?

Solution next week!

Topical Joke
I would like to encourage each and everyone of you to seriously
consider the charity described below.

Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your
heart to help those in need.

Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just
below the seven-figure salary level.

More tragic, they will be deprived of it as a result of the
bankruptcy and current SEC investigation. But now, you can help!
For only $20,835 a month , about $694.50 a day (that's less than
the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an Enron
executive remain economically viable during his time of need.

Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an
Enron exec it could mean the difference between vacationing in
Fiji and owning it. It will enable him or her to trade in the
year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari without jeopardizing those
jealously guarded "retirement" accounts in Switzerland and the
Caymans. To you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than
rent, a car note, or a second mortgage payment.

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the
exec you sponsor. Detailed information about his/ her stocks,
bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will
be mailed to your home. Imagine the joy as you watch your
executive's portfolio grow exponentially -- and that's just his
disclosed assets!

Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive a photo
of the exec (unsigned) - for a signed photo, please include an
additional $50.00. Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind
you of other people's suffering.

Your Enron exec will be told that he/she has a SPECIAL FRIEND
who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the exec
won't know your name, he or she will be able to make collect
calls to your home via a special operator just in case
additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses. And there
will be those. As poor Mrs. Ley so sincerely reported, her
husband somehow managed to misplace over $100 million that he
received in just the last 2 years. Stephen King couldn't script
a scenario more frightening.

I'd write more, but I'm having trouble seeing through my tears.
Thank you for your expression of love.

SALLY STRUTHERS

+ Per special regulation passed in closed session this past
year, contributions are tax-deductible only to recipients.

Bumper Sticker
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

One Liner
The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it
goes along.

Quote
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but
wish we didn't."
- Erica Jong

Short Joke
A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can
you loan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."

The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are
you using to gamble with?"

The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money."

Lawyer Joke
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The
lawyer said, "I am here because my house burned down and
everything I owned was burned. The insurance company paid for
everything."

"That is quite a coincidence," said the engineer, "I am here
because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a
flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused and asked, "how do you start
a flood?"

One Liner
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself
in public.

List Joke
- Things Men need To Know About Style -

1. Yes, Homer Simpson is funny - but not on your tie.

2. Only consider tucking your jumper into your jeans if you're a
vicar.

3. Getting your girlfriend to iron your jeans is unacceptable.
Ironing them yourself is evidence of an unsound mind.

4. Cowboy boots - NO!!!

5. Pointy lace-up shoes make women retch.

6. Going bald ? - shave it off for God's sake.

7. Never take your top off in public, unless you've just won
Wimbledon

8. Donald Duck socks do not reflect your individuality nor the
wild side of your corporate facade. They do, however, mean your
mother still dresses you or you wish she did.

9. Socks and sandals - lovely on Germans.

10. A jester hat does not a wacky man make. Even Noddy Holder
regrets the 70s.

11. Speedos are only acceptable on Olympic swimmers......

12. as are medallions.....

13. ...and tracksuit tops and bottoms.

14. Do you have a grey, red and black asymmetrical duvet?
Habitat helpline 0845 601 0740

15. Open shirts: one button open = professional; two buttons =
casual; three = oversharing.

16. Tight sleeveless muscle t-shirts are only ok if you're 17,
can do the running-on-the-spot dance at the drop of a hat, and
are a member of NSync.

17. Those fold-up scooters + middle thirties exec = tosser.

18. Here's a startling fact guys: Lara Croft isn't real. And
Angelina is a) an actress and b) married.

19. If your definition of "new season shopping" buying the Man
Utd kit? Please seek professional help.

20. Unless you own a rap empire, leave the chunky gold bracelet
and "ice" ring in the window of H.Samual where it can live a
long and happy life doing no-one any harm.....

21. You'll NEVER pull if you put your mobile in the mobile phone
pocket of your combats.

22. Bleached blonde hair. If it doesn't work for Eddie Irvine,
it's not going to do it for you.

23. Chinos - fashionable for 6 months in 1989 and that was it.

Corny Joke
Q:What did one arithmetic book say to the other?
A:We’ve got problems!

Little Johnny Joke
A police officer had a perfect hiding place for catching
speeders. One day, everyone who drove by was under the speed
limit.

The officer, puzzled, went looking and found the problem. He
found a young boy standing on the side of the road with a huge
hand-painted sign, which said: "RADAR TRAP AHEAD"

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's
accomplice, Little Johnny, about 100 yards beyond the radar trap
with a sign reading: "TIPS" with a bucket at his feet full of
change.

Blonde Joke
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Classic Joke
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the
little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say
the word 'pee' in church. From now on when you have to 'pee'
just tell me that you have to whisper'."

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his
Father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have
to whisper."

The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper
in my ear."

Useless Trivia
Time magazine named the computer its "Man of the Year" in 1982.

Joke
These three guys go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and
wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed
for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have
done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if
he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Grand Canyon
College and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene
on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God
must not want this guy to die, so they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am
from the University of Arizona School of Law and I believe in
the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the
innocent."

The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure
that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go.

The last one is strapped in and say's "Well, I'm an ASU Sun
Devil Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll
never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."

God rest his soul.

Yo Momma Joke
Yo momma is like an arcade machine, pay and play.

Last Week's Puzzle Solution
The puzzle (#79):
"Six kings" can be converted into what word?

The solution:
Six kings --> VI kings --> Vikings


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