Archive

Puzzle #77
Rearrange these letters to form five different 8-letter words:

A  E  G  I  L  N  R  T

Solution next week!

Joke
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for
his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster
and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL
of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just
let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are washed up and I am
taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race
you three times around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the
exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old
man, so just to be fair I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the
young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front
porch of the farmhouse the second time and the young rooster has
closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old
rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front
porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his
shotgun and BOOM! He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer
sadly shakes his head and says, "Darn.... third gay rooster I
bought this month."

Moral of this story... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age and
treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

Bumper Sticker
Eschew Obfuscation!

List Joke
- The following was taken from actual employee evaluations: -

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom
and shows signs of starting to dig.

2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid
curiosity.

3. I would not allow this man to breed.

4. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more
of a definitely won't be.

5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like
a rat in a trap.

6. When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there.

7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

8. This man has delusions of adequacy.

9. He sets low personal standards and the consistently fails to
achieve them.

10. This employee should go far -- the sooner he starts, the
better.

11. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

12. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

13. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking.

14. A room temperature I.Q.

15. Got a full six-pack, but is missing the plastic thingy that
holds it together.

16. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary
ignoramus.

17. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

18. A prime candidate for natural deselection.

19. Bright as Alaska in December.

20. One-celled organisms outscore him in I.Q. tests.

21. Donated his brain to science before he was quite finished
using it.

22. Fell out of his family tree.

23. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the trains
isn't coming.

24. This man has two brains; one is lost and the other is out
looking for it.

25. He's so dense, light bends around him.

26. If brains were taxed, he would get a rebate.

27. Any dumber and he would have to be watered twice a week.

28. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get
change back.

29. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

30. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

31. One neuron short of a synapse.

32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he gargled.

33. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

34. Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

One Liner
People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Quote
"I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by
men as well as women."
- Bernard Manning.

Short Joke
A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come
back to his hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks,
"Am I the first man you ever made love to?"

She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You
might be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."

One Liner
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Corny Joke
Q: What happens when bananas sunbathe?
A: They start to peel!

Joke
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital,
is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to
re-enter society.

"So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see
by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you
have any idea what you might do once you're released?"

The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to
school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field,
good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write
a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like
to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a
book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to
college and study art history, which I've grown interested in
lately."

Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing
possibilities."

The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I
can go on being a teapot."

Little Johnny Joke
One day Little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His
neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. He asks,
"Whatcha doin?"

Little Johnny replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."

"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish,ain't it?" asked the
neighbor.

Little Johnny shouts back, "That's because he's inside your
cat!!"

Blonde Joke
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!

Classic Joke
Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a
crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped
them and said "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at
the adulteress.

At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes
you really TICK ME OFF."

Useless Trivia
Tomato ketchup was once sold as a medicine.

Yo Momma Joke
Yo momma so ugly, your father take her to work with him so that
he don't have to kiss her goodbye.

Last Week's Puzzle Solution
The puzzle (#76):
In 1991, Dimitrus, the old Greek historian, celebrated his 65th
birthday. Realizing that he wasn't getting any younger and
desperately wanting to see the great old pyramids and  other
relics first hand, he decided to reward himself with a trip to
Egypt for his 70th birthday. Five years later to the day,
Dimitrus stood before the great pyramids of Egypt. Noticing the
names of other tourists inscribed in the stones, he took out a
small knife and etched his name with the others. This occurred
in 1986. How was this date possible?

The solution:
This was 1986 B.C. Even two thousand years ago the great
pyramids were considered an ancient tourist attraction. As long
ago as 1986 B.C. some of the great tombs would have been almost
2,000 years old.

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