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Puzzle #75
The first diagram is incomplete. Obviously, the letters are
entered in alphabetical order, so the empty square gets a P.

Diagram 1:

   A    B    C    D

   E    F    G    H

   I    J    K    L

   M    N    O    _

The second diagram has been filled according to a different
logical principle. Which letters go in the empty spaces?

Diagram 2:

   A    C    E    _

   L    N    _    I

   J    _    M    K

   _    F    D    B

Solution next week!

Joke
A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife:
"Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's
got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colours of my
favourite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it
feels good."

The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your
day?"

The man says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and
white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it
really feels good!"

The third day they meet at home after work and now the man asks
his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"

She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss
today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's
not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!"

Bumper Sticker
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I drive by
again?

Joke
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel
room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a
bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force
guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the
cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people
in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure
it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better."

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy
snoring?"

"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Navy guy.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,"
the sailor explained.

"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said,
'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

One Liner
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Quote
"If I look confused it's because I'm thinking."
- Samuel Goldwyn

Short Joke
I called my 7-year old son to dinner last night, telling him
that it was almost ready.

"Just a sec," he said.

Five minutes passed.

"Dinnertime," I told him.

"Just a sec," he said.

"No more," I told him. "I warned you a few minutes ago."

Silence, as he continued working on whatever project he was
working on. I reached over and took it away from him. "No more
secs means NO MORE SECS."

As I spoke the words, I realized I sounded just like my wife.

One Liner
Success is when your name is in everything but the phone book.

Corny Joke
A man walks into a bar with a little salamander-looking creature
in his hand. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man
what he calls it.

"Tiny" replies the man.

"Why's that?" asks the bartender.

"Because he's my newt!"

Kid Jokes
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school,
I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking
up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I
answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I
ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes,
that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she
extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front
of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is
that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I
replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back
of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The
tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When
she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know
that it always gives you a headache next morning."

DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his
collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates
had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be
performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then
dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and
with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his
father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. .and unto the
Sonnn . ...... and into the hole he gooooes."

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm
just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I
can't write - and they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as
he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out
of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he
saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you
got there, dear"? With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

Little Johnny Joke
It was the first day of school. Each member of this third grade
class had to go up to the black board and draw a representation
of their summer. Little Jonny got up and drew a dot.

The teacher asked him what it was supposed to represent.

He replied..."It is a period"

The teacher said, "What does that have to do with your summer."

Jonny said...."Well my 15 year-old sister couldn't find hers, so
my mom fainted, my dad had a heartattack, and the 21 year-old
guy next door shot himself!"

Blonde Joke
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Classic Joke
The Pope and one of his top cardinals were taking a long train
ride one day. The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle, and the
cardinal was reading the Bible. Suddenly the Pope asked the
cardinal, "What's a four letter word for 'woman' ending in
..u..n..t?"

The startled cardinal stammered for a bit, then said, "Uh.. er..
aunt! Yes, aunt!"

"Oh, of course. Got an eraser?"

Useless Trivia
The Greeks believed that spitting served as an antidote to
witchcraft.

Yo Momma Joke
Yo momma so fat she has two monster trucks as roller blades.

Last Week's Puzzle Solution
The puzzle (#74):
Which of these words is the odd-one-out?

BENEFIT  FLOTSAM  HIJACK  ROSEBUD  SUITED  TRUMPETER

The solution:
BENEFIT starts with a boy's name (BEN) - the others all end with
one.

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