Archive

Puzzle #70
What happened in the middle of the 20th century that will
not happen again for more than 4000 years?

Solution next week!

Joke
I heard this story from a Unitarian minister, who swore up and
down that it was true. The young man in question is one of his
parishoners.

A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms
with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet".
His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home
visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying
herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he
explained to her that he had realized he was gay.

Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean,
homosexual?"

"Well...yes."

Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men's
penises?"

Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an
embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and,
brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose,
snapped:

"Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!"

Short Joke
The US has achieved its first victory in Afghanistan.
The Red Cross has surrendered.

Bumper Sticker
Tequila! Tequila! Tequila! Have YOU hugged your toilet lately?

Topical Joke
WASHINGTON (UPI) -- The FBI and postmaster general have
clarified their advice on identifying suspicious mail after
closer examination of the Anthrax-bearing letters sent to Senate
leader Tom Daschle, NBC News and the New York Post.

"Beware of letters that say 'We have Anthrax'" said FBI Director
Rober Mueller, as the letter to Daschle said. "Direct mention of
Anthrax in a letter with a powder should be a strong clue. It
only took us a few days to figure out such letters might be
risky. We apologize for having held that big press conference in
the D.C. postal facilities in the meantime."

Two other letters said "Take penacilin now" which Mueller also
indicated might be a sign the letter is suspect, especially when
combined with powder and phrases like "Death to America" and a
date of 09-11-01."

It's also possible you should be concerned even if Penicillin is
spelled correctly, or if other antibiotics are noted.

At NBC, such a letter was passed around and showed to Tom
Brokaw, since at the time they had not figured out it was
suspicious.

When asked by reporters what to do if a letter contained phrases
like "Ha ha, I have just given you Anthrax. You will die if you
don't start taking Cipro now!" Mueller said he would have his
crack FBI biowarfare team get back with an answer as to whether
that seemed suspicious.

One Liner
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all
statistics are totally worthless

Joke
A boy asks his father to explain the differences among
irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the
phone is answered he asks, "Can I speak to Roger, please?" "No!
There's no one called Roger here." The person hangs up. "That's
irritation," says Dad.

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for
Roger a second time. "No, there's no one here called Roger. Go
away. Don't call again." "That's aggravation," says Dad.

"Then what's 'frustration'?" asks his son. The father picks up
the phone and dials a third time: "Hello, this is Roger. Have I
received any phone calls?"

Quote
"Don't go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
- Erma Bombeck

One Liner
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing
it poorly.

Corny Joke
Three guys were walking down the street. One walked into a bar.
The other two ducked.

Little Johnny Joke
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents
for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into
taking him.

"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.

"Great," Little Johnny replied.

"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.

"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny
excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30
to 1!"

Blonde Joke
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they lie on their backs, their legs open.

Classic Joke
A poor little lonely old lady lived in a house with only her cat
as a friend. One day, the lights went out as she sat knitting;
she had been unable to pay the electric bill. So, she went up to
the attic and got an old oil lamp from her childhood. As she
rubbed it clean a genie appeared and allowed her three wishes.

"First, I want to be so rich I never have to worry about money
again."

"Second, I want to be young and beautiful again."

"And last, I want you to change my little cat into a handsome
prince."

*POOF*

As the smoke cleared she saw she was surrounded by big bags of
coins, and that in the mirror was a young beautiful woman. She
turned as the handsome prince walked in the door, held her in
his arms and said, "Now I'll bet you're sorry you took me to the
vet for that little operation."

Useless Trivia
A foetus acquires fingerprints at the age of three months.

Yo Momma Joke
Yo momma so fat, she put her belt on with a boomerang!

Last Week's Puzzle Solution
The puzzle (#69):
The verbs BRING, BUY, CATCH, FIGHT, FREIGHT, SEEK, TEACH and
THINK share a common property that no other common verbs in the
English language possess. What is it?

The solution:
The past tenses of the eight verbs all rhyme with TAUT.

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