Q&A

Where is my red pen?
It's attached to your ear.

how old am i
Judging from your question... 4.

What do u think of Bill Gates?
He's a rich bastard who is making an incredible amount of money out of everyone. Apart from that, he's a pretty decent bloke.

Is it legal to rape sheep?
I can tell you from personal experience that it is perfectly legal to rape sheep - just once you own the sheep, it's dead and no one sees you.

If I have three pieces of chocolate in one hand and four pieces of chocolate in the other hand, and I want to share it out between eight people, what should I do?
Forget about sharing the chocolate and give it all to me.

Is gold a color though?
Yes.

how do you set up a ftp:// site? Also, which part of Winzip would you recommend?
To your first question: How the fuck am I supposed to know? I'm not a geek.
To the second: How the fuck am I supposed to know? I'm not a geek.

what did bill clinton think when he saw monika without skirts
"I wonder if Hillary would mind a ménage à trois..."

Why is everyone smarter than me???
Because if there weren't any stupid people, there wouldn't be anyone for the intelligent people to laugh at. We need you stupid people.

I'm so bored, what do u suggest?
Do all of the following:
a) Hold an ice-cube under your right armpit for 90 seconds.
b) Draw a big red dot on your nose and don't wash it off until tomorrow.
c) Peel and eat a banana without using your hands.
d) Smear honey into your hair.

Why do blonde women seem to have less pubic hair than women with dark hair?
Because blondes have more sex. Hope that doesn't need any further explanation.

my wife wants a divorce. i want to divorce her first.....i dont want to be married to anyone who doesnt believe in the sacred promise of marriage. she told me to fuck off and called me a paedophile when i asked for her email, then she told me that online weddings are stupid and i need to get a life.......the problem is........i think she is pregnant.........before i file for a divorce how can i find out if the baby is mine?
The baby isn't yours. To have a baby, she would have had to have sex with you, which I find very unlikely. If she has done, then she's more stupid than I thought, and then the baby should be put up for adoption before either of you can inflict your stupidity on it. Save the children and all that.

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
Now, seriously - who cares?

Have you ever had deja vu?
Have you ever had deja vu??
No... Yes... This is a trick question, isn't it? Stop trying to confuse me!

who are you guys? Do you work with any girls?
Yes. Not only do we work with girls, but we are in fact pimps, offering bargain price prostitution services at only €10 per hour. We offer discreet and private sessions in our exclusive house, located right in the centre of Amsterdam. For more details, email us. Please note that the preceding three sentences are false.

I wanted to know what a good sex posistion was and what are "BLUE BALLS"?
All sex positions are good! Except maybe when you're tied up in a chair, naked, and the other person leaves you there for 3 days with no water. That wasn't funny Karen! Ah-hem. To answer your question - personally, I prefer doggie style, but that's just me. And 'blue balls' are, obviously, balls that are blue. What a stupid question.

If three women walked into a bar, and ordered non-alcoholic drinks, what would their names be?
Dot, Edna and Agnes. Duh.

Well?
Well what?

what's your favorite color?
Gold.

I want to know if its okay to get horney from looking at big telephone poles?
Of course! Everyone does it, and anyone who says they don't is lying.

how do you spell missisipi?
Not like that.

How does all my belly button fluff get onto the mouse rollers?
It's all to do with the fluff-magnet that is built into every mouse roller. Every time you move your mouse, the magnet becomes charged up. Eventually the attraction becomes so strong that it rips your belly button fluff from its proper place on to the mouse roller. This is also why you should never bring your fluffy teddy-bear near a computer.

Why is it 8:25AM and I'm sitting here eating Swiss Rolls, and having so much fun on your web site?
P.S... Hmmm Maybe I should go and take the Geek Quiz Again... hahaha
I think you should.

Am i retarded?
If you have to ask, you probably are.

who has my pants?
I'm sorry, those pants are gone forever. The government stole them. It's a mass conspiracy to burn the world's pants. Anyone who still has their pants should glue them to their feet immediately. Failure to do will result in terrible consequences - for you, your family, and, most importantly, for your pants.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
If a woodchuck could chuck wood, and only if a woodchuck could chuck wood, a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchucking woodchuck could chuck, and even then only if it were special woodchuck wood. But since a woodchuck would only chuck wood if it could chuck wood, and it is clear that a woodchuck can't chuck wood, not even woodchuck wood, and since we have already established that a woodchuck could chuck as much woodchuck wood as it could, we must conclude that a woodchuck would chuck no wood, woodchuck or otherwise.

How do i really find out if I'm a geek??
You are. Trust me.

Who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Ha ha. Aren't you funny? No.

Can I pay my Visa with my MasterCard?
No! Do not do this! I had to file for bankruptcy after my 'friend' suggested this to m... I mean... uh... no, this is not a good idea.

If Bush is the answer what was the question?
Who is the greatest president the American people have ever had, voted into office by a rigged election?

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Ha! Hell no! They're barely able to comprehend that they're alive, never mind know that they're having more fun.

Do you now, or have you ever, owned a dead monkey named Chip?
Yes. Chip was a dear friend of mine, in fact, he was probably the only pet monkey who truly understood me. We used to sit, having a beer, talking about politics and ancient history. Those were the days. That is, until he got run over by an articulated lorry. That bastard driver had it in for Chip - I could see it in his eyes. Why take Chip? Why not me?! I would do anything for you, Chip! If only it had been me... I miss you, Chip, I really do. I love you, Chip.

Probably a question you saw coming - What si the air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?
Uh... 34 metres per second? I don't know! These questions are hard! Ask me easy ones!